Whatsername
by elwoodluver00034
Summary: This is a songfic of ‘Whatsername’ by Green Day. This is a PJ fic… but it’s kind of a depressing PJ fic. BUT! If you want it to NOT be a depressing PJ fic then just review and I can whip up a happier, less depressing ending to it. Sorry bout the formatt


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, lines from the episodes, storylines or settings. I have no affiliation with the WB network. So don't sue me 'cause you won't get anything!

Summary: This is a songfic of 'Whatsername' by Green Day. This is a PJ fic… but it's kind of a depressing PJ fic. BUT! If you want it to NOT be a depressing PJ fic then just review and I can whip up a happier, less depressing ending to it. PLZ R&R:)

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Ch.1 – 'Whatsername'

Thought I ran into you down on the street 

I walked past you and you didn't even look. You just passed me by… like I wasn't even there. Like there was no history that we shared. You were so beautiful… more perfect then ever. Your hair was down… just the way I liked it and you were engulfed in a book… you always did love to read didn't you? But you don't look up when I smile at you… you don't even know I'm there.

Then it turned out to only be a dream 

My eyes open suddenly and I know that everything was just a dream. Seeing you… being near you and around you. God it hurts so badly… I still love you. I just need to get over you… but how do I do that? I get out of bed and walk over to my bathroom where I turn the faucet on. I take a gulp of water between my hands and splash my face with the glory of its warmth. I look up at myself in the mirror and try to forget that I ever dreamt of you… that I ever thought that you could still be mine. I walk over to the shower and turn it on… I need to rid myself of all these thoughts… this is getting me nowhere. Stirring up these old memories isn't going to do anything but give me more heart ache… question myself more. No… I have to forget. I climb into the shower too soon and the water is cold on my skin… but I guess I need it. I need to wake up from my hopes… and engulf myself in my fears completely. I welcome the water freely to roll down my body. I spend a lot of time there… just trying to make myself forget. But it's not working. If anything it just makes the memories burn farther and farther into my mind. I have to get rid of them. I quickly exit the shower, grab a towel and go over to my closet.

I made a point to burn all of the photographs 

I open the closet door very speedily and went straight to the bottom and pulled out and old wooden box…. my father gave this to me… I run my hand over its worn edges and open it carefully. This is where all of our memories remain… I can't take it anymore. I dump everything out on the floor in one swish of my hand. I go into the kitchen and grab my lighter from the cabinet. I go back over to my pile on the floor and kneel right next to them. I pick up a picture of us… god… we were so happy… _I_ was so happy. I start the lighter up and watch it catch on fire… I watch it burn… I watch it melt away… just like our love… I watch as our smiling faces smolder away… I feel tears trickle don my cheeks and brush them away harshly. There will be no tears shed because of this… it took me too long to get to this point and I'm not going to cry. I watch your body slowly disappear… I let it burn until it hits my fingers and I quickly wave it through the air. Ashes sit at my knees but I don't care. I just grab another picture and begin to burn again. I look at this picture… I took it. We're cheek-to-cheek smiling big. I have to laugh at this… I was such a dumb ass… I can't believe I put my heart and my faith in you and expected you to cherish it and not break it… break me. Because that's what you did… you broke me… I will never be the same again. I get caught by surprise when I feel the heat of the fire reach my fingers I drop it to the floor and quickly grab the box and stomp it… I stomp it over and over and over again… I know that I got it out the first time but I have to destroy it… destroy us… or what's left of us at least. I burn a few more pictures and I finally sigh and lie face up on my bed.

She went away and then I took a different path 

You left me. Why did you leave me? Everyday I wonder what I did wrong… what I did that made you leave. But now I'm determined to find myself again… I'm determined to find out who I was before you and just get back to him. I can't wallow in my own pain forever… no matter how much I want to. How much I want to blame all my hurt and loss on you… but I can't… I know it's not fair to you… but you don't deserve it… you don't deserve fairness… you weren't fair to me when you just left me. I'll never forgive you for what you did to me…

I remember the face 

Your face… god… you were perfect… everyday I looked at you I would praise God that he would let you love me and me love you. Your lips were just right… they weren't too small… but they weren't too puffy either. Your eyes… I could get lost in those brown beauties forever. Your hair… I loved the smell. I loved the feel of it under my skin… playing with it… caressing it… entangling it with my finger. Your ears… I loved the taste. Your lobes were… what is there to say? They way you would moan when I chewed on them… you made me feel like I was the only one that could make you elicit that sort of emotion. You made me hungry for you… you made me want you. I still want you. I miss your body… I miss your face… I miss your scent… I miss _you_.

But I can't recall the name   
Even saying your name is just too hard to bear… because if I do then the memories will come just as strong. Your name was beautiful… god everything about you was beautiful. But now the only thing your name does is haunt me… it taunts me… makes me remember what I can't have… what I lost. If I never hear your name again it'll be too soon. I don't want to remember. If the day ever comes when I can't see you in my mind it'll be the day that I'm finally free. I don't want to remember. Now I wonder how whatsername has been 

How are you? What have you been doing with your life? Are you happy? Are you well? Do you miss me? Do you still want me? Do you still need me? Do you still love me? All of these questions burn at me every time I think of you… every time you invade my mind. Do you ever wonder about me? Do you ever think about me? Do you ever wonder if I hate you? Or if I'm married? If I have a family? Do you even care? Do I even matter to you anymore? Did I _ever_ matter?

Seems that she disappeared without a trace 

I came home one day exhausted. I just needed to sleep. I didn't even notice the room strewn with different objects… clothes… shoes… papers… makeup… books… pens… I just went straight to bed and slept like a baby. When I woke up I was confused as to why you weren't right next to me… snuggled up against me like always. I dismiss it and lazily make my way out of bed to make myself some coffee. My eyes are half open and I step on something. I scream out in pain and look down at what I stepped on… it was a shoe… _your_ shoe. I look at it perplexed as to why it's out of place… you were always so neat and orderly… you went crazy if something wasn't in it's proper spot. And that's when I realized it… the whole apartment was torn apart… it looked like a tornado went threw our home. I call out to you but you don't answer me… I get a little nervous… I run around to different rooms to see that you aren't there. I go into our room and open the closet… your dresser is empty… I look outside only to find your car gone. I breathe heavily… I can't think straight… you left? You _left_ me? Why would you do that? I thought we loved each other? I thought that we were _everything_ to each other? I guess that it was one sided. I place my hand over my face as a few sobs escape me… you're gone. My sunshine… my strength… my conscience… my _love_... you're gone… and I'll never see you again will I? I fall to thee ground and clutch myself hard… trying hard not to believe it. Tears roll down my face and soak my cheeks. I feel… rejected… I feel… deserted… I feel… alone. I can't believe you left me…

Did she ever marry oh what's his face 

I don't even want to mention his name. Because that's probably where you are. You're probably with him having the time of your life… I wouldn't be surprised it you have kids… are you happy though? Is he what you want? What you really want? Or are you just scared? Are you just afraid of what we had… about the mystery of us? About the risk you took by loving me and letting me love you. Why did you have to break my heart? Are you happy with him? Are you pleasing him? Is he truly content with just being with you? Like I was? Like I can still be? Why did you leave me without so much as a note of why I lost you? I guess I'll never know…

I made a point to burn all of the photographs 

I go back over to the pile of photos taken over the years. I pick one up… this is the first picture we ever took as a couple. You looked so in love… you looked so happy… you looked so content. What happened to us? I light it and watch it burn… the fire echoes through my soul… watching our first memory wash away… the fire blazes in my eyes… I just watch it… I wish I could get you back… but I can't. You'll never come back to me… you'll never be mine again. You made that perfectly clear when you left me with no reason. Our faces turn to ashes right before my eyes… it crumbles away and curls over itself as it continues to burn… burn… burn…. I grabbed another picture and watched as the fire danced over it and made it no more. I did this for a few more hours… making sure to burn the pictures that I cherish most…

She went away and then I took a different path 

It's still hard for me to get over the fact that you left me. With no note… no nothing. I know that it sounds childish but… I don't understand. I mean really… how could you do this to me? To _us_? I thought we were happy… I thought that we had everything we would ever need… each other. I guess I'll never know… but everyday that you're gone it cuts me a little bit deeper. And I'm afraid that if I let this eat away at me that someday there won't be anything left but an empty shell… with no love… compassion… or even trust. I'll never love again… you stole my heart… and I never want it back…

I remember the face 

You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen. The first moment I met you I knew that you were it for me. I thought you felt that way too… but I guess I was wrong. I loved you legs… and your arms… I loved the way your hands traveled into my hair when we kissed. I loved the way your breath felt on me when we made love. I miss the love that just oozed from us when we were together. I miss you… I want to get over you… but I miss you so badly. All I want is for you to barge in the door and let me hold you tight… and never ever let you go again. I need you… I want you… _I love you_…

But I can't recall the name 

It still hurts too bad to say your name. It hurts too much to remember our lost love. If anyone even so much as _thinks_ your name I crack. I never want to utter your name from my lips again… even if that's all I want to do… all I ever want to do. I can't live without you… but it seems that you can since you are… everyday I suffer and everyday you're gone from me… with no reason… no real reason of why you just abandoned me.

Now I wonder how whatsername has been 

Are you even alive? Where are you? What are you doing with your life? Do you still chew on your lower lip? Do you still have that same passion about every little thing like you did? Are you the same girl that I fell for? Or have you changed? Have you forgotten about us? Do you miss me? Do you even care that you left me heart broken? Do you ever regret leaving me? Do you still love me? I can't take not knowing the answer… but I have to live with my questions… I have to live with not knowing you… never knowing you again…. Did you cry when you left? Did you leave out of anger? Did you leave because of another man? Did you suspect me of cheating? Were you afraid? Why did you leave me? You're driving me crazy… was I not good enough for you? Was I really a loser? Really a screw up? What did I do wrong? I wish I knew the answers… but I'll never know… never…

_Remember, whatever_

_It seems like forever ago_

_Remember, whatever _

It seems like forever ago 

I don't remember the last time I held you… the last time I told you I loved you. I don't remember the last time I saw you smile… I can't remember the last time you told me you loved me. And the worst thing is that I don't ever remember you being unhappy… we were always happy. We had each other… you said that's all that mattered… as long as we had each other you'd survive… I guess it was all just a lie… a lie to yourself or a lie to keep me with you… to lead me on… to let me believe that you cared about me as much as I did you. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that you crushed my heart… if you really cared about me you never would've left me… isn't that right?

_(Remember, whatever)_

_The regrets are useless_

_In my mind_

_(It seems like forever ago)_

_She's in my head_

I must confess   
You'll never leave my thoughts… I still love you and I always will… that's about all there is to it. I can never get back what you took from me… because when you left you didn't leave my heart in a neat little pile on the bed… you took it with you… the day you left without a word was the day I knew you had no intention of giving it back to me… which sometimes makes me think… maybe you do care about me… but what am I thinking? The day you left was not only the day you stole my heart completely but the day you spelled out in big letters that you weren't content with me anymore. Maybe I'm too small town for you… maybe I'm too much of a loser for you… but I'll never really know… 

_(Remember, whatever)_

_The regrets are useless_

_In my mind_

_(It seems like forever ago) _

_She's in my head_

So long ago 

I leave my pile of pictures on the floor and move myself on the bed and huddle up like a little baby… I need to get rid of you… but it's cold… I need your warmth… it's dark outside… I need you to brighten my world and make me happy again… because without you I'll never be happy… never be truly happy at least… I wish you would come back to me. But I know you won't… you never will. Will you?

_Go, go, go, go_

Go, go, go, go, go 

_And in the darkest night_

_If my memory serves me right _

_I'll never turn back time _

Forgetting you, but not the time 

What else is there to say?

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Reviews are very much appreciated! I would _really_ appreciate some constructive criticism (if you have any that is). THNX FOR READING MY FIC!

Hey everyone! I know that this wasn't the best thing I've ever written but I think it's good. And I know that it kinda strays away from the theme at the end but that's just the way it came out. I was listening to the song and I just knew that I had to make it into a fanfic. Now if it's repetitive I'm sorry… I tried to not have it be repetitive but sometimes it just happens uncontrollably. But thank you again… and if you guys want me to I can write up another chapter (pbly not song fic though) but with Joey and how she's doing with 'what's his face'. If you do then plz tell me in your reviews! Thank you again and I hope you enjoyed this:)


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